McCain Camp Denounces Arithemetic as "Partisan," "Elitist"

John McCain's presidential campaign denounced a recent poll by ABC and the Washington Post as biased by "partisan and elitist arithmetic."

"The transparently liberal claim that 52 is larger than 43 is just another example of bias by The New York Times, which is now a pro-Obama advocacy organization," said Steve Schmidt, a key McCain staffer. When reminded that the Washington Post, and not the Times, had commissioned the poll, Schmidt responded, "You are in the tank, sir! The tank! Just like Dukakis!"

A press release from McCain/Palin '08 claimed that

"No matter how Obama and the his fans in the press try to fool the American people, 43 is still more than 52, just the way it always has been. It may not be the math that liberal elitists like to peddle in their exclusive colleges, but 43 is almost three hundred and seven points more than 52 is. We welcome a continuing debate."

"In the end, this election comes down to character," said a McCain spokesman who asked not to be named. "Do the American people relate better to a genuine hero like John McCain, or to some aloof, intellectual grade-school teacher who taught them to add and subtract? If an East-coast liberal ever made you ask permission to go to the bathroom, I think the choice is pretty clear."

In related stories, the McCain camp pointed out that Rick Davis's business relationship with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac ended in August of 2008, "which was more than fifteen years ago," and that John McCain's 72 years make him forty-one years younger than Barack Obama.